Tell me what have I done.

Once again, I'm back in this mundane place to pour out all the woes.
Nothing like this blog will actually listen to my 100page woes, i guess my blog is the most faithful chap around (?)

Everyone expirenced that kind of emptyness in your heart, be it after an heartbreak, family members passed away.. I get this kind of feelings after I go though quarrels. That big hole in the heart that sucks all of the emotions in.. That you breathe twice just to sustain yourself to have enough strenght to walk.

I have a huge issue of trust. To anyone. To double think about their words and actions. Do they have an motive? Are they gonna hurt me? Which on top of that, I have the tendency of trusting too much, to drop into a endless hole and think that it is going to do me good. So over the years, I always find myself in situation which being hurt over and over again. I now build my new wall up. Make it as difficult to penetrate as possible.

Relationships. I used to say I'm a expert at it. To listen to both my opinion and others'. But I failed miserably now. I self doubt a lot nowadays. I close all ears. Be noncalant about it.

We quarrel so much, how could you love someone who is close to a wreck?
Or is it that you have things to hide? Why is your phone so sheltered-shield? Why do you hide so much things and never explain it, but just brush me off with "I don't like people to invade my privacy, not that I did anything wrong" Your words keep ringing in my head, it hurts. How can a relationship work with such closed heart? I'm not an airhead, I am highly sensitive to my surrounding, you included. How can we be together for going 6 months and still feel so unsettled down?

I close my eyes as I'm tired, but those thoughts have no filter. Those negative thoughts. Is it me? Is it a sign? Let's walk a minute, and think. I'm thinking.